Brazilian Traffic Laws

I haven't been able to find a Brazilian driving handbook in English, so I thought I'd write one for myself:

EDIT: After driving in many other cities in Brazil, I learned that this horrible driving is specific to small towns in the middle of nowhere. So don't get too scared.

Per civil code §Bras97355, the following traffic laws are legal and binding for all drivers in Brazil:

1. A stop sign is really more of a yield.
2. The dotted and solid lines that divide lanes are really more just guidelines. Drivers are permitted to drive with the car in both lanes if the environment (narrow lanes, parking lanes, slow drivers) permits.
3. The city reserves the right to suddenly block lanes with buses, trash dumpsters, or parking spots.
4. All lanes can be turning lanes if you believe in them enough;

• Drivers in lanes with turning arrows can also drive straight, and
• Drivers in lanes without turning arrows can turn if they feel like it.

5. Turning signals are for losers!
6. 6a. A red stoplight is hereby declared green 5 seconds before drivers expect it to turn green, and
   6b. A green stoplight is hereby declared red 5 seconds after it has already turned red.
   6c. We realize that laws 6a and 6b conflict. Good luck with that.
7. Drivers are permitted to drive against the arrows on a one-way street if they believe enough in their skills of avoiding oncoming traffic. This law pertains especially to motorcycle users, but is not recommended for horse-drawn carts.
8. Horse-drawn carts are hereby permitted to be driven on side streets and main avenues alike, and do not require registration.
9. The city reserves the right to suddenly change the one-way direction of a street, mid-lane.
10. The city reserves the right to require that the occasional street adopt European-style lanes, in which cars are driven on the opposite sides of the road.
11. The city is not responsible for any potholes or outdated one-way direction signs.
12. Pedestrians do not have the right-of-way. However, if a pedestrian is interested in a game of chicken, he is more than welcome to declare the right-of-way to be his.
13. Pedestrians also retain the right to cross the freeway on foot, given an adequate level of confidence or apathy.
14. If you are white with a nice car, do not worry about being pulled over.
15. If you are black with a bad car, do not worry about being pulled over.
16. If you are white with a bad car, worry about being pulled over.
17. If you are black with a nice car, definitely worry about being pulled over.
18. Drivers retain the right to park in either direction and on either side of a street, pulling over against traffic to park on the opposite side of the street.
19. Motorcyclists reserve the right to ignore all traffic laws, wholly and completely. \ end civilcode §Bras97355,

We thank you for your cooperation and compliance in making Brazil a safe and happy place to drive!