The Occasional Language Barrier

In general, Alexandre and I have no problem communicating, despite having different first languages. My students always ask me what language we speak in, and I tell them that we mix the languages, because we do. (We've been known to say things like "Tengo muito hungry" and "Estou drunkito.")

In the beginning, we used a lot more Spanish, but when I moved here and started learning Portuguese, we eventually phased out the Spanish and now only keep it around for specific words that we can't remember in the other's native language (or words like "ganas," and "pinche" and "sinvergüenza!" which just don't translate well into either language).

Alexandre's English is very good, and sometimes if I'm feeling lazy (or upset), I don't bother with Portuguese, and we speak only in English without any problems. Occasionally, though, we get a little tripped up. Here are some fun stories to show for it:

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A big problem for Portuguese speakers learning English actually comes from the writing system. A word that is written with a word-initial in Portuguese is pronounced as an [h]. So the word for recession, "recessão" is pronounced [he-se-são]. So when Portuguese speakers learn English by reading, they often have problems between words like "head" and "red."

Anyhoo, back when we had our first cat, Joey (RIP), Alexandre said that he wanted to train the cat to be a strong, manly hunter.

"I'm gonna buy him a hat!" he said.

I started laughing. "A hat?! That's going to turn him into a princess, not a hunter!"

Alexandre was confused. "What? No, a hat! I'm gonna buy him a hat! And then I can teach him how to hunt!"

"How is a hat going to teach him how to hunt?" I asked, bewildered.

Alexandre remembered the problem. "No no, no. HAT. Like emwemwemwemw" :: tries to make rat faces and noises::

"A RAT?!" I asked, figuring out the problem.

"Rat, rat! Yes, rat! Ugh!" At this point, Alexandre was so frustrated, but I had enough entertainment to last the rest of the evening.
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Another problem that Portuguese speakers have with English is word-final Ls (as heard in English words like feel, cool, full, mall). Portuguese speakers both perceive and pronounce them as a [uw]. So for example, there's no difference between pew and peel, or cool and coup, according to a Portuguese speaker.

Once, some bad 90s Angelina Jolie movie about computer viruses was on TV. It was playing the old children's song "Row row row your boat, gently down the stream..." I was half watching the movie and have cleaning the bedroom, so I called to Alexandre from the other room, "Why are they playing that song?"

"It's part of the virus in the computer," he called back. "There are boats rolling across the screen."
I paused. Rolling across the screen? Then I got it. And started laughing.

(Do you get it? Alexandre didn't hear a difference between row and roll, but his interpretation came to light when he added the -ing, moving the l sound to the new syllable. (Maximizing onsets, right Jamie?). He also didn't know the children's song, or possibly the verb "to row." So his conclusion? The song was invented by the hackers to say "roll, roll, roll your boat, gently down the stream...")

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Don't think that I am free from these linguistic blunders. As you may remember, I have a terrible time producing nasal vowels. (If you're still confused about what a nasal vowel is, you can watch this helpful youtube video by clicking here. If you can get over the creepy mouth shots and the guy's Rio accent, it's a clear demonstration.) I've told you before that I suffer greatly in trying to distinguish between pão (bread) and pau (penis).

This entertains Alexandre to no end, and he always insists that I ask for the bread in the bakery section of the store, just so he can laugh at me. Usually, I just point to the sign.

Anyway, one night, Alexandre was reading some article in English, and he got to the word "stale."

"Cariño, what's 'stale'?" he asked. ("Cariño" is another word we use in the Spanish way, not to be confused with Portuguese "carinho" in this context.)

I made the mistake of trying to answer his question in Portuguese.

"Stale é quando o 'pau' fica duro." I was trying to say "it's when the bread gets hard", but instead, I said, "it's when the penis gets hard."

He started busting up. "Ah, é?!" (Really?!) he asked, sarcastically. I immediately realized my mistake. "Damnit. Damnit" I mumbled to myself, as Alexandre laughed about it for about 5 minutes straight.

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I still think the best one though is Alexandre's confusion about the word "cash." Portuguese can just use the word "dinheiro" (money) to mean cash. Spanish sometimes uses that phrase "dinero efectivo."

Alexandre had heard the word "cash" in the US, and so between Spanish, Portuguese, and English, he concluded that when he wants to talk about cash (vs. credit), he should say "cash money."

This resulted in many instances of him saying things like...
"Can you buy the drinks? I don't have any cash money."
"I was going to make copies of that document on my way home, but I didn't have any cash money."
"Can we pass by the bank? I need some cash money."

He eventually stopped, because I laughed every time and called him gangsta.
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SEE?! Being a linguist with a non-native speaker boyfriend can provide endless hours of fun. I highly recommend it. :)