We have a channel.
It is called COMBAT.
It is the bane of my existence.
The COMBAT Channel plays UFC fights and UFC-related reality shows 24/7. If you don't know what UFC is, you're lucky. But if you want to know, it stands for ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP. I use caps lock when appropriate for you to imagine some wrestling match announcer speaking in a dramatic yelling/growling voice. (ULLLTIMATE! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FIVE-MINUTE ROUNDS!)
I mean, it's really torture. But I have to say that the worst part about it is the interviews with the fighters. Before most of the fights, the channel shows interviews with the fighters that always include scenes of them practicing and working out; sound bytes from their trainers saying things like "He's improved! He's on fire! This here fight's gonna be the best fight in the history of fights!" and the fighter talking about how he's doing it for his family ("it", of course, being bashing some other guy's brains in).
I read some study once about how the more peaceful a man's job is, the more he gets into testosterone-heavy pastimes. So I mean, Alexandre makes sick people healthy all day. I'm not sure what gets more peaceful than that... except maybe like, a monk, and I don't think monks watch UFC. So I try to be patient ("Try" being the operative word).
Today, my friend Melissa and her husband invited us over for lunch. Someone-- can't remember which one of them-- mentioned UFC. And then they all started going on about how GREAT it is! Even Melissa! And then they put the channel on and were raving about the awesome fighters.
So now I'm just convinced that they all like it because they can't understand the type of English spoken on the COMBAT Channel, and the subtitles are totally watered down and neutralized. So like during his interview, the fighter speaks in the third person and says something like, "That little bitch is in RAMPAGE's Kingdom now! His ass is mine!" And the subtitles say "Vamos fazer uma boa luta!". And then I sigh and groan a lot.
And Alexandre is convinced that I'm the odd man out, just blind to the obvious awesome-ness of UFC. "Even Melissa likes it!", he has been insisting today.
Please. Tell me: Where is the awesome-ness in this? (Click at your own risk!)
I'm suspicious (and slightly hopeful) that Alexandre's new UFC hobby is just his temporary, mastermind ploy to make me appreciate soccer more. Because I'd take soccer over UFC any day.