Ok, Brazilian women. Here it is. This is the last time I'm telling you these things, so stop asking:
*Yes, I know I'm tall. Height, however, is only partly genetic. It also results from how well you ate as a kid. I got all my nutrients. Did you? Also, news flash: definitions of "short" and "tall" are relative.
*Yes, this is really my hair color. And yes, my hair really is this thin. No, there's not much I can do about it. Yes, I like having it this short.
*Yes, my eyes are light. Yes, Alexandre and I are going to have white kids with light eyes. Aren't genetics amazing??
*Yes, these breasts are mine. If you don't believe me, take a look at my Mom, and my Grandma, and probably my Great Grandma. Again, the wonders of genetics!
*Yup, I'm white. I already know I need sunblock, thank you. I also know that I burn easily. That's not something you need to remind me of. I've had this skin my whole life. And No, I will not turn "morena" now that I live at the beach.
*No, I'm not pregnant. This is just the way the fat distributes itself on my body: When I gain weight, I get a potbelly, not a huge ass or thighs.
Obviously, it was getting this last question today that was the tip of the iceberg that inspired this blog post.
Here in this region, we've got a different bunch of people genetically than we had back in Caipirópolis. The immigrant populations are different. The genetic influence of indigenous people is more prevalent here. The result is that I stand out more. I'm usually the tallest and whitest person wherever we are. But even people who I would consider "white" (also of western European descent) seem to think that I am much, much whiter than they are.
These differences, combined with Latin American Honesty, a dash of ignorance, and a simple lack of tact that you can be unlucky enough to find anywhere, make people say stupid shit, especially young women, who like to ask questions that warrant the answers above. They make me much more aware of myself and my physical makeup than I want to be or need to be. And it also doesn't make sense that these same girls watch the novelas (where lots of people look like me) and movies (again, genes similar to mine) and read magazines (no short women there), and then they act like, shocked that I look the way I do, and in a pretty negative way, like I am fundamentally different just because I am different from them.
And screw you, random girl at the gym with no social skills. I do not look pregnant.
EDIT: This person said it way better than I did. Thanks to Fiona for sharing.
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Come live in São Paulo.
ReplyDeleteWhite is the new tan here.
Not really, but it makes me feel better about myself.
I hear ya, Danielle. I am actually very short (Can you give me some of your height, please?!) but I have like huge breasts and on top of it I am Asian - so you can just imagine what people say to me (especially men) and what they call me (one former coworker called me "Little big girl"!) People just are clueless in the things they say and it is hard to believe they actually have the nerve to say it out loud.
ReplyDeleteYou tell them,girl ! I'm short, with fair skin a pot belly and big breasts too.Thankfully I live in the US and people know better than comment. But I can remember how it was in Brazil.I never got a tan(I'm from Rio) and that seemed to bother people a lot ! I just learned to ignore them or PRETEND to ignore them...
ReplyDeleteOR you could make up an elaborate story about how you ARE pregnant, and then gym girl will compliment you about how little weight you've gained in your pregnancy!
ReplyDeleteI feel for you. I've been insulted more times than I can count. However, I am more sheltered from this than you because 1) I still don't speak Portuguese well. I think I would encounter more insults if I understood what people were saying. I think this is also subconsciously one of the reasons I have not progressed along as far as I should in my studies. 2) I am not exposed to this 20 something ignoramus subculture.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I first came to Brazil to meet my soon-to-be husband's family, we went a party at the house of his mother's friend. I walked through the door and she looked at me and said,"Oh. You're pretty." And then looked at my husband's mother - who had obviously told her exactly the opposite.
Love this post!
ReplyDeleteI know EXACTLY how you feel and I've seen your pictures, is that girl that asked if you were pregnant perhaps BLIND?
The Latin American honesty pisses me off and I'm already thinking of fun little lies to tell once I arrive in Brazil. I've already talked to my husband about it. We're going to tell people I'm Brazilian and he's American, or that we're both Chinese. We might as well have fun with it because we know it's coming.
Ohhhh man. Guess it helps make you thick skinned, huh?
ReplyDeleteAbout the hair...next time you get comments on your hair do, tell them that in Europe shorter at the back and chin-lenght at the front is THE fashion this summer (and it truly is, at least in Italy). And to prove that you know your stuff: "como, voce nao sabia????" even Camila Pitanga uses this hair style in the last novela. That will shut the mouth of every patricinha.
ReplyDeleteIf you are tall, I am a giantess. But here in Germany, there are many who look like me, height, colouring and all. This world is as strange as Gulliver's.
ReplyDeleteI am learning about the "Latin American" honesty, as well. I was told I am too white, need to get tan. My response was "people in this country look 10 years older." Brazilians, especially, can't stand it if you tell them they look older. Dish it out, better be prepared to take it! Stupidity is worldwide.
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog love it. Ha ha I live in NYC and my boyfriend is from BH. The other day he told me I have the perfect body because I have a little waist a fat ass and big thighs. I was speechless...
ReplyDeletePeople here behave like there is no filter between what goes in their mind and what comes out of their mouths.... We had to endure a older aunt telling us (THE PARENTS) how awful my daughter's hair cut was... My MIL telling me how fattening the food is and looking at my belly... and lets not forget about my sister in the middle of a party telling me (loudly) that I should dye my hair because she could see the white showing...The worst part is that they have no clue of how tactless they are.
ReplyDeleteWe kind of fell sorry for them. We do not smart mouth them, we do not try to talk back or any other aggressive answer because it just becomes a vicious circle of hurt-feelings...
It is better to come and tell you girls that have to hear the same kind of stuff and laugh about it.
p.s. my mom wants me do a peeling... (US was not good to my complexion.)
Hey Danielle, I loved this post, because it is so true and typical of Brazilian women to ask these sorts of questions and make related comments. They don't mean anything by it, I guess, but I was driven mad by my 'sister in law' (husband's brother's fiancee) when I first arrived here! If I'm honest, I took it as her being catty, but then why wouldn't I? You have to spend some time here before you realise it's just a cultural thing. Anyway, she is a beauty therapist, in that she does waxing and eyebrows, and every time she set eyes on me, her first comment would be, "come to the salon. I'll sort your eyebrows out", and she wouldn't take no for an answer! The problem was that she, like a lot of women in this town, had gone for the 'painted on' look, so it took a lot of excuse-making before she finally gave up! She also used to comment if my nail polish was less than perfect etc. It's not the sort of thing that does wonders for your self esteem when you're adapting to a new country, is it!?
ReplyDeleteThough Americans are more politically correct and not as straightforward as Brazilians and even Spaniards, (especially when it comes to body issues), I've encountered the same types of comments (but opposite) in Orange County.... welcome to being a minority, lol.
ReplyDelete