So as many of you may know, a "cool" thing for young Brazilian girls to do is to move to the US for a year to work as a nanny or au pair (babá in Portuguese) for a rich American family. The girls live with the family, earn a small salary (to the tune of 200-400 dollars a month), but get room and board provided. They take care of the kids, and in exchange, they learn English, get to see (one tiny portion of) American culture, and get to put "a job in America" on their resumes.
Anyway. In the English school industry in Brazil, there is a high percentage of girls who worked as nannies in the US and then came back to Brazil to teach English (you know, because the two jobs are totally related). So I've talked to quite a few girls who have had this job, and the majority of them had horror stories about it. I've also met Brazilian girls on airplanes and at airports who are on their way to be nannies or who have been in the past and made some kind of ties to the US (like a boyfriend who they're going back to visit). But the general consensus that I got from these girls was that, as a foreign nanny in the US, it's very easy to be taken advantage of.
Lots of my students ask me about their options for going to the US that aren't nanny positions. Basically, their options are to go as tourists, to go to private English schools (like the one I worked at where I met Alexandre), or to go to American university English extension programs. They can’t work legally in the US with these options, so they have to save up enough money for classes, rent, and life before they go, or they need someone in Brazil to be sending them money. One of my students did also did a work-exchange program for Brazilian college students. He had to take a year off from school to work for 4 months, he worked at McDonald's, and he lived in Massachusetts in the winter. People have to be in college to participate in this program.
So with these options, you can see why girls would choose to work as a nanny, especially if they don’t have money and if they’re not college students. The nanny option is appealing because it's relatively cheap, and because it gives the girls a chance to work in the US and have a bit of money while they're there (though I don't think they realize just how low their salaries are).
A girl who works at the gym has been asking me a lot about her options to live and work in the US...like, every time I go. My answers never seem to please her, because they all involve money. Sure, I get it that it sucks that it's expensive. But what she doesn't seem to realize that she's not the only one with this idea of "I want to go to the US for free and make money while I'm there." It's not just Brazilians, either. So realistically, the US can't open its borders and work visas for the whole world, in the same way Brazil can't, or any country can't.
Anyway. I didn't tell her about the nanny option, because (a) she's a little bit older - 30 and (b) I've heard many more bad things about it than good things. These are some of the stories I've heard:
*Girls are told that they don't have to clean, that their only job will be to take care of the kids, but when most of them arrive, they're the nannies and the maids, too. And who are they going to argue with?
*One girl worked for a family with a young baby, and the mom made her get up at night to give the baby his bottle, and she still had to take care of the kids all day, obviously.
*The girl above included, many of these girls said that their "40-hour workweek" was almost nonexistent: because they live in the house, the parents often take advantage, making them stay home to babysit at night (their "free time") while the parents go out to dinner, or leaving the girls with the kids for the weekends while they go on trips. One girl told me that she only received 2 Sundays off a month, and she worked every other day.
*Another girl told me that they lived in a rural area, but she was only allowed to use the car for work-related things. So how the heck was she supposed to get around in her free time? The result was that she didn't-- she spent most of her free time in her room, and got out only when she could bum a ride from one of the parents who were going into town, and then she'd wait an hour or two for a bus to take her back.
*Almost all of the teachers and fellow travelers I talked to were unanimous in the fact that the kids were spoiled brat monsters with serious issues after having absent parents and a new nanny every year.
*One girl's experience was so bad that she ended up breaking her contract and paying for her own flight home.
I met a girl who was sitting next to me on the plane on a trip back to the US once. She told me she was on her way to the US to work as a Nanny, and she was very excited. She was from somewhere in the northeast of Brazil. She had paid for her own flight. At some point in the conversation, it came up that she had been given an F1 visa. When I asked her why, she said it was so she could take college classes if she wanted to. The whole thing seemed very fishy to me. Why would the nanny agency give her an F1 visa? Why did she pay for her flight? I told her to make sure to tell the customs agent that she was taking community college classes, NOT that she would be working as a nanny. I also gave her my email and phone numbers in case anything happened.
So anyway, someone else told the girl at the gym about this nanny option. She came to me with the words “au pair” written on a piece of paper.
“Have you heard about this? Can I go to to the US with this?” she said, showing me the paper.
I wanted to say, “With that paper? No.” But I knew what she was getting at. So I said, “au pair means babá. Do you want to work in the US as a nanny?”
"Well that'd be great, right? My friend told me about it. They pay for your flight, you don't have to pay bills, you can work..."
"It's an option," I said, "but I've heard a lot of bad things about it. The nannies are usually treated really badly, and you don't have any kind of boss to complain to, or a company to protect you. And besides, you already went to college in Brazil and everything. Why would you want to go down so drastically in your job? You'd never work as a nanny in Brazil."
Dissatisfied, this girl apparently went back to her friend to tell him what I said. Then she came to me the next day in a huff.
"My friend says that YOU are mistaken. He says these nanny programs are great. He says he'd send his daughter to one. His neighbor told him that her friend's daughter worked as a nanny in the US, and the family paid for her to go to college there! So now what?"
At that point, I started to get annoyed, and a little offended.
"Look, I don't benefit in lying to you," I told her. "I'm telling you the experiences that nannies told me they had. This guy is telling you what his neighbor's friend's daughter said. You can believe who you want, and do what you want. Maybe that girl had a good experience, but does that story even make sense to you? Why would a family pay for college for someone they barely know? Do yo know how much colleges cost in the US? And how did she get accepted into an American university so easily? I doubt all of the families who sign up for Brazilian nannies are evil slave drivers who want to take advantage of you. But I just think it's a job that has a lot more risk for that to happen, and I wouldn't do it."
The girl gave me lots of "but! But!"s, so I just kept telling her to do what she wanted and saying "você que sabe" until she shut up about it.
So now I'm even more annoyed about this nanny thing, and the fact that these kinds of rumors spread. I guess it’s the naivete that bothers me. The US is not the land of milk and honey where money goes on trees and every family is super rich and hoping to take in some young Brazilian girl and offer her the world, that they're going to meet rich American men to be their husbands, that they're going to get degrees from American colleges, just because they work as a nanny (don't they see how little nannies earn in Brazil? Do they have no sense of how economies work?).
It bothers me that the girls are treated so badly, and don't expect to be. Hello! They're going into an environment in which they're 100% dependent on their employers and where they have very little protection or support. Obviously, the US has labor laws! But the most of these girls are totally uninformed, and wouldn't know how to go about defending themselves. Plus, their salaries are ridiculous, even with room and board provided.
It bothers me that these girls see only one tiny fraction of American culture: the small percentage of the upper class that has money for a live-in nanny. In this article that I found (which propagates all the pipe dreams that I just mentioned), a girl they interviewed went to work as a nanny, met an Irish guy with a green card at a Thanksgiving dinner party, and fell in love with him. She got knocked up with his baby, so they got married and now she lives with him in Ireland. Her conclusion about nanny work was:
Nos Estados Unidos, os pais deixam de estar presentes, falam com os filhos apenas na hora em que estão dormindo. É só 'good night'. Eles esperam que a au pair seja pai e mãe das crianças",
She said, "In the US, parents aren't present. They only talk to their kids when they're going to bed. And they just say 'good night.' They expect the au pair to be father and mother to their kids."
Right. ALL American parents are like that, not just the family you lived with. That is a fabulous conclusion. She clearly learned a lot about American culture during her time there.
So my opinion's pretty clear, but now it's your turn. What have you heard about or experienced with these nannies or nanny programs? Are they as fantastic as the girl at the gym thinks? Are they as risky and useless as I think? Or somewhere in between?
Posts
I have some experience hearing about au pairs in the U.S. and about Brazilians coming here to "study English". As I live in Orlando, there are tons of Brazilians here and they do whatever they can to stay. However, the Brazilian au pairs that I know had a good experience, at least the one sister. I'm talking about girls from BH. One of them was in a wonderful family (so she said); it was a single father I believe. She was treated very well, even taken on a cruise to Jamaica. They paid for her English classes. But this girl was smart. She saved every penny, and when her year or two were up as an au pair, she continued to work as a nanny (for the same family and at a higher rate I believe). She changed her visa to an F1 visa, enrolled in Berlitz, and worked as a nanny and saved her money. She learned English VERY well and with her saved money was able to pay for her education at a community college. Her sister did the same thing, but I don't know about her experience with the family. With this being said, I believe you're correct that most girls are not this lucky. I also agree that the US is not everything Brazilians think it is (you can just ask my husband who came here the legal way and has lived a much better life since he has me to help him adjust, etc).
ReplyDeleteAnother popular option is the student/work summer visa for Brazilian college students (like you mentioned). I'd say that the majority of the students who choose this are from the South - those that live in Orlando any way. They're paid beans and have to live together to make it. But that's the point. They want these kids to be given the opportunity to live and work in the US for THREE months, but it's tempting and then they want to stay. So what do they do? Change their visa and "study" at Berlitz. But that's expensive, especially when you know longer have permission to work. But then again, they have SSNs from their internship visa and many work illegally that way. I think that they enjoy their lives here and don't want to go back. They'll do anything to stay, no matter if they're working like slaves illegally and only have enough money to party, buy sunglasses, and PS3s.
Wow, this is sad. You are right that they only get to see a small area of American culture, but unfortunately that's the way America is viewed in most of the world (work-obsessed at any cost.)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I enjoy reading your blog! You have some very good insight that will help me in the future for sure!
This isn't just for Brazil and the US. My Norwegian friend did this in London. She had a HORRIBLE time! The parents totally took advantage.
ReplyDeleteThink about it, if a parent will hire some random foreign nanny because it's cheaper, what else would they do...
I feel so bad for these girls. The agencies really should tell them exactly what they are getting into. I bet half would try anyway
Danielle I love you!!!! This is so so real thing!
ReplyDeleteI've been au pair in Denmark and in The Netherlands (not in USA), I think it is a such general problem everywhere with au pairs. Iḿ graduated as Digital Designer in Brazil and had just started my masters in Business, I had a good job as designer in a big company in Brazil, I was studying english and I was fascinated with the possibility offered to study english and other language with a 18 months contract in Copenhagen, having board and well a pocket money, get to know Europe, I was a bit upset with my routine in Brazil and getting old (I was 24 at this time), and haven't done anything special in my life, just worked and study, so the last thing I was thinking was about to make money with my au pairing time.
But well, so I got a contract with this family, spent with visa expenses, they payed for me an one way flight and in the contract which I took a copie with me it explained clear that I had to pick up kids from school, prepar lunchboxes, play with them, help with some small household... The family was a single mom with 2 kids. As soon as I arrived there, the same night she called me to talk about my duties: Here I work, you take care my kids, my house and shopping. The apartment was very small, I had a room but no privacy at all, dirty, she gave me so little money to shop everything, just for dinner and lunch box, at the day most of times there was anything to eat. She use to bring different man every weekend home and tell me that I couldn't be at home and I had nowhere to spend the night, it was a nightmare, I had to do everything for her just to come home, have a dinner and relax. I felt so miserable, because the life I left behind in Brazil and because my parents didn't agree with this decision, I never told them anything. 5 months later, the host mom lost her job and fired me, with no ticked back, and I didn't have money as well. So I was a bit shame to came home just after 5 months abroad and tell that everything went wrong, I found a family in The Netherlands who payed for my bus ticked Copenhagen - Amsterdam and I went to work there (without a visa), again, all the promise to pay for a english course was not true, she said she couldn't aford that or pay my flight ticket back, I was stucked in a rural city and speding loads to have some fun in the weekend. I got another family here in The Netherlands, which make me work more than 50 hours a week, no days off and was always complaining about my work. I met my now hubbie two months after arrived here and he rescued me from this house. We went to live together (at this time I was using my danish visa with a gap in the law for schengen), lived with him 9 months working now and then as nanny in different places, we came to Brazil, got married and unfortunatelly he didnt want to live in Brazil, so I moved back to The Netherlands, well now I have an ok situation here, we are together for more than 2 years and he is my life, I still miss the life I had in Brazil alot, because Iḿ quite traumatized with what happened with me here, besides that I got a very big stop in my career...
Well I told you my history, because when I tell people I don't recommend au pair programs anywhere is because I was in it, nobody told me about, being an au pair I met loads of other girls who had been in similiar situations or even worst, you hear terrible things, most of them, specially the ones who came to Europe knows that you can't make money being an Au Pair, they came to have fun travelling, to learn a language... but they end up being slaveries and losing alot of money. I still help alot of girls here when they have this kind of problems with advices or explaining the rules (that I've been reading alot).
Simone
Hi Danielle... I guess it all depends on the person. I was a college student at USP 7 years ago when I decided I wanted to take a break from college and go to the US mainly to improve my English and have a nice life experience, cause I had never left home. I worked at an english school for six months - teaching small kids - to have the experience required by the au pair program. I made it clear on my application that I wouldn't take care of babies or small children, that having my 6-credit requirement fulfilled was a priority and that I wouldn't scrub bathroom floors (I found a nicer way to say that though). I matched with a family in the northern suburbs of Chicago, to be basically the driver and bowling buddy for a 9 year-old girl and have no contact with portuguese-speaking people, which was perfect for me. It was just what I wanted: no diapers, enough time off to explore the city and culture, have coffee at starbucks with girls from other countries, sucking up on what they had to say about their own cultures, english 24/7, Economics classes at a community college 3 times a week with an awesome professor. Six months later, I had the feeling I had reached my learning "plateau", so I bought my ticket back (I was breaking the program's rules by leaving earlier), thanked the family for the opportunity and came back to Brazil to my engineering degree. I had nothing else to gain there, and much more to expect from here. Of course, I had some sad moments, like not being invited to Yom Kippur, because I was not Jewish, even though I was dying to go to the synagogue and learning more about it, or when they “forgot” to invite me to Thanksgiving dinner at my hostmom’s sister’s house. They just liked family moments to be about family. It was ok though; I was invited over by my friend’s hostmom and still had a nice Thanksgiving. Anyways, like I said in the beginning, it all depends on the person. I had a pretty decent english back then, and also great opportunities in Brazil - which helped me a lot to screen families I thought would understand my goals as an "au pair". I guess people like this girl you met at the gym are just lost, honestly, and think that speaking english will make money magically grow in trees at their backyards, even when they made bad choices in the past. I am not rich, I just have a purpose in life, and many of those girls don’t. They probably went to the corner’s college because it was easier to get in, never thought a second language would be important until they graduated and now, at 30, they struggle trying to get good jobs. It’s all about the choices you make in life.
ReplyDelete@Simone - thank you so much for sharing your story. That's the kind of stuff I heard from other nannies, too. I think the myths that it's a great experience start because the girls are too embarrassed to tell people that it went badly, so they just say it was great.
ReplyDelete@Bru - I think you hit the nail on the head (ascertou na mosca?). If this girl has no way to even save enough money for a plane ticket at 30, having grown up in Santos, then she clearly has made some bad choices that cannot be blamed on living in Brazil or fixed by moving to America. There are plenty of successful people in Brazil, even from modest families. Her degree is from some small private university, but it's in physical education -- fluent English or nanny experience will do nothing for her career. But I think you're exactly right: she's lost, and she thinks that things will just magically work out if she moves to the US.
The whole thing makes me sad!
My best brazilian friend (the one who actually introduced me to my Brazilian husband...) was an au pair when I met her. Her first year was just what you said, all work, little pay. The first weekend she was there the hosts said, "If you need anything, let us know." So she asked if they could give her a ride to the church she wanted to attend, and the answer (and I quote) was, "I got a nanny to make my life easier, not to be a chauffeur." But then she moved in with a different family after a year and that one was much better. The pay was decent, the hours were realistic, she was given a car... she stayed there for a year and half. I guess it all depends on which family you get. And as Rachel pointed out, I think it goes really for any person from any country doing this anywhere.
ReplyDeleteDanielle,
ReplyDeleteI think Rachel is right, why won't these American families ( or European ) hire a regular "citizen" nanny?
My it's because they can't afford one, and they are either greedy rich people or desperate middle class people who can't afford a regular nanny anyway, so they use this "cheating" system to bait naive girls to come in and be abused by a situation they can't get out of and I have to agree with you that learning ( a half a$$ ) English won't really help them get anywhere in Brazil on their return.
It is a sad situation all around.
Ray
Hi, Danielle.
ReplyDeleteLet me start by saying that reading between the lines I see a lot of good intentions from your part and also a legitimate concern about all the aspects involving this matter from the very safety of these naive girls to the much needed observation of the American (immigration) laws. But I have to tell you something, Brazilians are, from the time they start to understand the world surrounding them, heavily influenced by the American culture (cartoons, sitcoms, movies, fashion, celebrities, food, cars, music, technology, you name it) and that continues for the rest of their lives. That, at least partially, may explain this collective distorted view of Brazilians about the U.S.
From time to time Ray and I discuss things we see in American movies that do not reflect the reality of life in the US at all, so we go back in time talking about how naive we used to be in respect of American things when we first moved here, just like other millions of unsuspected Brazilians are.
You have talked in the past about how overwhelmed you felt about all the attention you got when still living up there in Caipirópolis. They would hammer you with all sorts of disconcerting questions and all. But the truth is, when they see you knowing that you are an American, for them you represent all the things American they know (or they think they know), hence all the curiosity that comes along with it. So, for them you're not only an American, but you represent a piece of the U.S.
Another thing is that many Brazilians whom live or lived abroad have this particular awful cultural habit of "contar vantagem". They love telling wonderful tales of making lots of money as labor workers, the great housing arrangements they made, the good car they drive, etc., and, sure, everything accompanied with lots of colorful pictures to "prove" and better illustrate their great American life/saga. So if one has a so-so life in Brazil and happens to hear all this stuff, sure she/he will dream of having a little better life abroad "too", specially in the U.S. I know, it's a true disgrace, but, unfortunately, this is the way it is.
Now, talking about someone that asks a lot of questions and pays you back with suspicion ( like the girl from your gym), we sure walk in your shoes, Danielle, because we have been in similar situations before. I think being an American in Brazil is not easy, but I believe that being the smart American lady that you are, you already get Brazilians reasonably well and know how to deal with all these cultural differences and some annoyances that come along with it.
Gil
Hi Danielle,
ReplyDeleteI had written the biggest reply and my cat came and managed to delete it all. He thinks my computer is his bed. Grrr.
So, I was about to say that I agree with some points you make and disagree with others.
Let's start by saying that I went to the US as an au pair (J1) and later changed my visa status for a F1 (student visa). I wanted to study. I wanted to become an English teacher (I come from a family of teachers. My mother, my aunts and my grandmother are all teachers. It's in our blood. lol) and I didn't think the Brazilian English I had at the time was good enough to teach. Also, I wanted to get out of Brazil for a while and see a world I had only seen on TV.
The au pair program seemed like a great option for me because one of the requirements was to attend school in the US and it's cheap. Ideally, au pair would be exchange students (they are not). All great, except that the "time" you have to study *ESL* as an au pair isn't enough.
Clearly, I don't agree that a year living abroad as nanny while going to language classes at night, qualifies you to teach anything. Knowing a bunch of words does not an English teacher make. I've seen girls, ex-au pairs, teaching students how to say "I shood-ee "heavy" (I should have), and I wanted to scratch my eyes out (or theirs). But it's what it's and it's hard, nearly impossible in the case of Brazil, to go against the system. Schools are hiring these girls to teach things wrong and, honestly, the interviewers (coordinators at these schools) know very little English themselves, so WTH... but then again, schools are hiring bad Portuguese teachers to teach a Portuguese they do not know. It's all screwed up. Meanwhile, they think that the fact that I taught Portuguese to English speakers should not count as teaching experience for me. Go figure!!!
Now, in the defense of the au pair program. It's needless to say I met many au pairs during my stay in the US and the vast majority of them were the rich spoiled Brazilian brats you've talked about before. The agencies sell the program as a dream year to travel around the States, live with an America family and have fun. "You're gonna be the big sister," they say. It's not what it is and if those girls had any kind of sense they would realize that before deciding pro program. They don't. Again, spoiled brats.
The contract, which you should read before you sign, right?, states 40 hours of work per week. Do they realize what 40 hours of work weekly mean? I doubt it, as most of them have never worked.
ReplyDeleteThen, when they get to the US and the honeymoon stage with their respective host families ends the nightmare starts. It's work and it's hard work in exchange for room, board and pocket money. It's all in the contract. The families are not exploiting them, but naive as they are, they expect to be treated as the princesses they are back in Brazil. After all, they are the big sisters. When they are not treated thus, when the dream family put on the employer shoes, the host families become evil, the children become brats and the whole circus is up.
The whole program is legal and there's support in case of exploitation. There's an area director and a regional director. There's the Department of State (which is nothing but the means to get a J1 visa) and an agency behind it all. Mistreatment and abusive working schedules can and should be reported. You can find a new family if needed be. That is, in the US, I cannot talk about au pairing in Europe or elsewhere.
There are rules for the program as well. Unless illegally, a 30-year-old woman cannot become a nanny in the US. The program was designed for young women (18-26 years old) to travel and experience life in another country, not for people who want to pursue their American dreams
There are bad host families. I agree. But there are also bad au pairs and that goes double for those au pairs who say the host family leaves them to mother the children. I truly believe that the families who choose to have an au pair/nanny do so because they need to work and if they need to work they are not rich.
As for the reasons why they hire a foreigner instead of a citizen, it's because it's cheaper. It's not cheap (it costs about $8000 dollars (eight thousand/year - weekly stipend not included) for a family to have an au pair enter the country legally for a year. Yet, it's cheaper than hiring an in-country nanny for an average $15/hour.
It's a game and you must abide by the rules, au pairs and host families. I hate to generalize, but a lot of girls want to go to the US to find a rich husband. Yes and yes. Others are middle-class brats who think an unknown American family will shelter and baby them for a year. It happens. Not all host families are b*tches. Not all au pairs are poor little things suffer in the hands of rich American families. If you ask me, the program is quite fair. :-)
I tell people that the US is not Hollywood. "Tá achando que os Estados Unidos é Hollywood?," I ask. But in truth, they do. It's like saying that life in Brazil is like a soap opera. It's not!!! But life in the US... Oh, just like The OC!!!
Many girls in college take the year off for working as au pairs or at McDonald's. I know nothing about her experiences, because we are not close enough for asking about this stuff.
ReplyDeleteHave you read the book "An invisible minority" by Maxine Margolis? It is about Brazilians who live in NYC, and in some point she talks about women who move to the US and work as maids - because this is one of the easiest ways to get a green card. And the stories are like the ones you wrote here.
I'm 19, the age girls use to go. If I would work as a nanny? Well, no. I woud have to take off one year of college; the salaries are ridiculous - my grant for Iniciação Científica is about what they pay, and it is a 10-hour a week thing -; you never know what kind of kids and parents you are going to get and so on. I speak broken Enlgish, but I would do it for, maybe, speaking better Enlgish.
@Samia- you make a great point. There are 2 sides to every coin! Some of these girls that have complained to me may be the patricinhas you're talking about. I didn't know there were regional directors and departments that they could report to (but I don't think they did, either).
ReplyDeleteBut your English is impressively fluent, as I've said before. Are you offering private classes now that you're back in Brazil? xo
@Erica - thanks for the book tip! And you make a good point, too -- some of these people might be able to find better paying jobs in Brazil if they are willing to look a little harder (though I don't think deciding to be a nanny is about the money, or not completely).
I don't' understand why its ok for Americans to go to Brazil and pay the nannies there $15 dollars a day (probably less)in salary when they know the nannies can hardly survive on the money in Brazil either, why not pay more if everyone is so concerned about the welfare of the Brazilian people? Americans coming from America know how little the average Brazilian has, does that make it alright or does everyone tell themselves "I am doing them a favor by giving them a job" Maybe that is what out American counterparts are thinking when they take a Brazilian girl in in the United States.
ReplyDeleteI don't' understand why its ok for Americans to go to Brazil and pay the nannies there $15 dollars a day (probably less)in salary when they know the nannies can hardly survive on the money in Brazil either, why not pay more if everyone is so concerned about the welfare of the Brazilian people? Americans coming from America know how little the average Brazilian has, does that make it alright or does everyone tell themselves "I am doing them a favor by giving them a job" Maybe that is what out American counterparts are thinking when they take a Brazilian girl in in the United States.
ReplyDeleteWait. This sounds like what someone would expect being a Brazilian nanny...
ReplyDeleteBut really, there are much scarier things that can happen to these girls that go over thinking thye are going to be nannies. Just doesn't sound like a good deal all around. Although, I'm sure there are some good stories out there too. (The bad stuff tends to float to the top...)
It's tricky, Danielle. It can be anything, but because I was right in the middle of it, I can guarantee you that au pairs exaggerate (Brazilian style). It's not as bad as it sounds. It's not great either. You live in someone else's home. There are rules, there's a job and there are spoiled children involved. You can easily see where all those complaints come from. It's a pain, but *I* would do it all over again. Like I said, it's a (twisted) cultural exchange program. Try being Brazilian and living in the US (or anywhere else outside Latin America) for a year on your own. It's gonna cost a lot of reais.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm not giving private classes yet. I plan on starting, but I'm still looking into schools. Maybe I'll steal some students. lol JK!! haha I just got back, so I'm still not sure of what my options are. I also want to translate because I looove writing, even if it's other people's stuff. lol But dunno.
@BornAgainBrazilian It's a government program and it's well explained (sort of) on the USCIS website. One cannot just decide to go to the US to be a nanny, pack their bags and take the next flight. It just won't happen.
To make it happen you have to be between 18 and 26. Preferably be in college (y'know, have ties to your country). Have a driver's license. Have finished high school or equivalent. Have experience with kids and all that jazz. And then, if the consul says so, you go on to work as a nanny for an American family, through an agency that should be approved by the US government, and receive around $200/week for 40 hours of work + $500/year to take a course of at least 6 credits at an accredited institution, e.g. community colleges.
I sound like an au pair enthusiast. I ain't. Just trying to clarify things a bit. lol
I think it's one of those things that can have very good potential if you go through the right, legitimate and legal channels. Like any promise to live and work abroad, girls can be left susceptible to half-rate companies who cut corners and lie as much as they can get away with to sucker people in. I've heard similar horror stories about programs where Americans go to other countries to teach English. It sounds like if you can find a government-supported program like the one Samia was talking about, the potential for learning and thriving are much better. But I think what you've mentioned already is important... girls with money they've saved and clear goals to learn English don't look for a quick fix and are more selective in the program. It'd be the girls who look at going to America as a means for making money or as an exotic dreamland, that probably end up signing up for something exploitative and being greatly disappointed.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to point out too that it all depends on the Americans signing up for this too. I'm sure there are nice, busy families who choose this route as a way to have labor for less. I'm sure there are greedy families who see this as an opportunity to get cheap labor, and also an employee who has no safety net and will therefore be more reliant on them and more available for being used. But I imagine if you find a family who is interested in other cultures and thinks of this type of thing as an exchange instead of solely an employee, that'd create a great situation.
Hey Danielle!
ReplyDeleteI read your post and thought about something that happened a couple of weeks ago. One of my best friend's sister has been trying medicine VESTIBULAR for quite sometime. She can't get a good enough grade to get accepted in a PE course though (and I have nothing against PE professionals, its just that the requirements for them in USP are... low.) After some time talking about it with my friend, we just got to the conclusion that the little sister is too immature and spoilt, does not know what she wants, or the value of the money spent in CURSINHO and needs to work a little bit to find out that compensation comes with hard work. After all, she has no motivation to study. She's going to try the au pair program.
I think in that case, it makes sense. She is only trying the program because her family wants her to "se ferrar" a little. A different and maybe more difficult experience, so she'll learn the true value of hard work and money... And she might pick up some english along the way. Also, she does not expect to get rich or famous, or married there.
I think the au pair thing is what it is: Hard work, low pay, time away from your family and friends and all of those who trully cherish you as an individual and not an employee, as well as actually LIVING with your boss.
I'm absolutely sure that anyone that tries it with anything else in mind WILL be disappointed.
(BTW: you wrote WORK VISA and AU PAIR in your blog. Lol. So many more people are going to access it as the ultimate source of information!!)
Here is something you may want to offer up when asked - I didn't read all the comments so I don't know if anyone else suggested this yet. Why don't you recommend that they try and get a job as a baba for an expat family. I know many expat families here in Brazil love their nannies and want to take them back with them when they go. If they market themselves as someone who wants to be a baba and learn English, and is willing to travel with the family and possibly relocate, they can test out the situation on their home turf.
ReplyDeleteHigh Danielle, I have met quite a few au pairs when I lived in both Richmond, VA, as well as when I was in Houston, TX. Their experiences where very similar to exchange students that I've met. I think that it really depends on the quality of the program and the luck of finding a good host family. Most of the au pairs I met were young women in their 20s a few were men (from Scandinavia mostly). When speaking about their lives they were generally positive because they had good host families that allowed them the use of an old car on the weekends and most had some Community College classes that they would attend. Almost all of them were recent college graduates and had contracts that included stipulations of free-time/leisure time. This is important, as well as being able to move to a different family if they didn't fit in to the one they had initially started with. Also most of the nannies that I met spoke very good English (including the Brazilian nannies). Obviously they learned a lot more on the job, but their English was obviously not at the beginner level when they went. Typical households were upper-middle class families who lived in the suburbs or in the nice part of the inner city. Many of the host parents liked the idea of having a foreign person in the home to broaden the children's cultural horizons. The ones that were unlucky to get troublesome families quickly moved to different homes. (Very similar to exchanges students) As for the profile of the Brazilian au pairs I met, they were all enthusiastic young women who had recently graduated, loved children, and mostly came from middle class backgrounds, none of them were snooty and all of them understood that they were there to take care of the children and help out with light chores (making lunch for the kids and driving them around, etc.)Generally it was a positive experience since they not only learned about the daily American lives and customs, but also made many friends from around the world (they would hang out with au pairs from around the world and usually at the end of their contracts travel around the US for a couple of weeks together with their new friends)
ReplyDeleteHigh Danielle, I have met quite a few au pairs when I lived in both Richmond, VA, as well as when I was in Houston, TX. Their experiences where very similar to exchange students that I've met. I think that it really depends on the quality of the program and the luck of finding a good host family. Most of the au pairs I met were young women in their 20s a few were men (from Scandinavia mostly). When speaking about their lives they were generally positive because they had good host families that allowed them the use of an old car on the weekends and most had some Community College classes that they would attend. Almost all of them were recent college graduates and had contracts that included stipulations of free-time/leisure time. This is important, as well as being able to move to a different family if they didn't fit in to the one they had initially started with. Also most of the nannies that I met spoke very good English (including the Brazilian nannies). Obviously they learned a lot more on the job, but their English was obviously not at the beginner level when they went. Typical households were upper-middle class families who lived in the suburbs or in the nice part of the inner city. Many of the host parents liked the idea of having a foreign person in the home to broaden the children's cultural horizons. The ones that were unlucky to get troublesome families quickly moved to different homes. (Very similar to exchanges students) As for the profile of the Brazilian au pairs I met, they were all enthusiastic young women who had recently graduated, loved children, and mostly came from middle class backgrounds, none of them were snooty and all of them understood that they were there to take care of the children and help out with light chores (making lunch for the kids and driving them around, etc.)Generally it was a positive experience since they not only learned about the daily American lives and customs, but also made many friends from around the world (they would hang out with au pairs from around the world and usually at the end of their contracts travel around the US for a couple of weeks together with their new friends)
ReplyDeleteI think that the best thing you can tell your friend is to get her to find some former au pairs and let her ask them all these questions, all that you can do is point out that not all the programs are the same and that if she finds one that accepts her age and lack of English (probably difficult) she needs to make sure that the program has good references.
nanny's anywhere get taken advantage of... just read all the crap out there about babas. Our baba tells similar stories to your au pair ones. But she is from the Northeast so it wasn't as much a complaint as a, "yeah she was a lazy mom." I think the type of people who look at Au Pair jobs are not the type of people who would ever be Babas in Brazil...I also knew tons of girls in college who were from the US and nannied and hated it. Being a nanny isn't a fun job no matter the country or nationality.
ReplyDeletei think you should have researched a little before writing this post. There are lots of error on it: girls dont make that amount you said , over 90% are college educated , they have support from a local and national representatives , many families give them more money than obligatory 500USD - including pay for the whole university,car,books, etc. And if you count all the expenses is not cheap labour for the family (many fees plus pocket money). Lots of family dont have an au pair because its super cheap (because its not), some hire because they want someone from a specific country like jewish families want an israeli girl to speak hebrew to the kids, some families want a piano teacher , others a swedish girl because of their roots so please Most of the families take the au pair to the family holidays to have fun and not to work as a slave. Danielle stop being so negative about brazilians as you are otherwise u should move back to your own country dont you think??? u get irritated because people ask you stupid questions about you or your country ! u have no idea how many stupid questions americans ask about other countries!!! like brazil is an island in the carebbean , brazilians speak spanish , all brazilians look like Pele , etc.
ReplyDeleteCeline,
ReplyDeleteDid you see the rest of the comments? Many girls said that they DID have bad experiences as au pairs, just like many of the English teachers I met told me they had, too.
The salary and information I quoted was from an article from Veja. The link is in the article. Where is your research and proof and evidence?
Like I (and many commenters) said, obviously not all families that want an au pair are bad, and not all the girls that do it have a bad experience. My argument is that this process has a lot more risk for the girls than other ways to go to the US. I wasn't saying bad things about Brazilians in general here-- I was defending them (I was only complaining about the one rude girl from the gym).
But if I want to say bad things about Brazilians, I can. I live here, and I deal with people here every day, and I understand the country very well. I would say I'm pretty ingrained in the culture. Don't you ever complain about things to your friends that happen to you? Am I not allowed to because I wasn't born here?
Not everything in Brazil is perfect, and there are some stupid people, the same way that there are stupid people everywhere. If you live in the US and have a bad experience, you're allowed to talk about it. If you read the rest of my blog, you'll see that most of my posts are positive.
The fact that there are dumb Americans who ask you ignorant questions (though it probably wasn't you, probably a friend of your teacher's cousin's neighbor who just TOLD you, right?), it doesn't take away my right to complain. I never said it was OK for some Americans to be ignorant, and their ignorance doesn't make it OK for some Brazilians to be ignorant. The two events are mutually exclusive.
So when you try to shut me up and tell me "if you don't like it, go back to your country," you just sound like one of those ignorant Brazilians that you're insisting don't exist. Congratulations.
i know some au pairs have good other bad experiences but some of your data were wrong
ReplyDeletecheck this out http://www.aupairinamerica.com/fees/
i never said there aren't ignorant brazilians but they have more idea about the world than americans in my opinion.
u can complain about anything and any person u want and I am not trying to shut you up but you always complain about brazil so i think your life would be better in the usa , no?u would have less problems and be happier.
I dont live in the US nor in Br now but yes people asked me all those and other stupid questions.
Why would I be happier in the US, just because I have a bad day in Brazil once in a while? Do you think Americans don't have bad days in their home countries? What is your ultimate goal with comments like that? No "gringos" in Brazil?
ReplyDeleteI don't know where you live, but do you ever complain about it, even though it's not your home country? How would you feel if someone from that country told you "if you don't like it here, then go home!"? It's a very hostile, close-minded, and hypocritical thing to say.
That's just awesome that you think Americans are more ignorant than Brazilians in general. That would be another topic to argue that is not about this post. But I will say that based on the level of your English, and the fact that you don't live in the US, it's hard for you to make a conclusion like that. But if we want some evidence, we can consider the quality of both public and private education in the US and compare it to the quality of education in Brazil. That would be one factor in determining who is more ignorant. Someone told you that Americans don't have geography classes, right? So then you made that conclusion? Awesome.
Also, of course an au pair website is going to say that their program is perfect. They want to convince people to go. They may show base fees of what the au pairs make, but you have to consider how much the girls spend to go (on fees, visas, etc) and subtract that from their salary.
I don't really understand your motivation for being so hostile on my blog (do you work for an au pair company or something? Bitter that you couldn't get a visa to the US?), but I hope you can go out and do something happy in your day, and be nice to people instead of being rude. You should try it- it'll make you feel better.
I wasn't trying to be hostile. You are the one being extremely ironic.
ReplyDeleteI dont work for an au pair company and I have never had any problem entering the U.S.
Oh boy... well its funny because the one person I personally know who went to the US to be a nanny landed in the very rare sweetspot. (Working for an editor at Elle magazine, in New York who then got her an internship at the magazine, which has led to some other jobs.) She's been with the family for 6 years now, although she no longer lives with them, and only works part time babysitting because the kids are older. Also, after her initial exchange was up they kept her on and paid her at a competitive salary. Yet even with the internship, and her degree in communications from a Brazilian University she hasn't realized the American dream of parlaying her nanny job and host family connections into something grand. She still picks up odd jobs here and there, internships, etc. trying to land the right big thing. (Probably not unlike many recent American grads in similar position, but at a stronger disadvantage.) Anyway, I never doubted that hers was a very rare case, and she was incredibly lucky. It probably also helped that she was well educated, from a good family and smart enough to know if the situation was tenable or not and to get the heck out if she was being taken advantage of. I think you are right that a lot of girls go there with stars in their eyes and overlook the many pitfalls. As the Brazilian economy continues to grow and quality of life improves here, I would suspect that many upper middle class girls with college educations won't find the need to take these kind of positions, but what will happen is more of the "new" middle class will still see it as a prime chance to improve their lives. And 98% of them will not be lucky enough land in a family that actually cares about helping them or treating them fairly. Most will probably have an average-mediocre experience of being overworked, underpaid, and not having any time off or social life, and some will truly be mistreated. But as Gil pointed out they won't let on to those back home. I've heard plenty of "contar vantagem" stories and they all smelled a little funny.
ReplyDeleteOh, and you know the whole thing about American parents just coming home and saying goodnight to their kids and that being their only interaction with them - yeah, well I know PLENTY of Brazilian parents who are just the same. Handed the baby off to a baba at 6 months (which in this case they are luckier than Americans who only get 3 months maternity leave) and maybe spend Sunday's with their child. Not because they are bad parents, but because they have to work to afford the car, the house, the maid, the ridiculous price of gas, etc. It's the same everywhere. So no one should be throwing stones. The guy who cuts our grass brings his 5 year old daughter with him everywhere because they obviously can't afford child care. School in the mornings and then attached to her dad all afternoon. I play with her sometimes in the quintal, and bring her coloring books because the she never shows up with a single toy or anything to entertain herself (although she makes do and rides the rake around like a horse). She's got lots of face time with her parents, but I see her sitting there in the backyard while her dad works and I can't help but think it is a sorry exchange - working class poverty with close family bonds vs buying power and outsourced child rearing.
ReplyDeletehello lovelydharma
ReplyDelete"As the Brazilian economy continues to grow and quality of life improves here, I would suspect that many upper middle class girls with college educations won't find the need to take these kind of positions, but what will happen is more of the "new" middle class will still see it as a prime chance to improve their lives."
THE TOP COUNTRIES THAT BRING MORE AU PAIRS TO THE USA ARE: GERMANY , SWEDEN AND BRAZIL, AS YOU KNOW GERMANY AND SWEDEN ARE RICH COUNTRIES AND THESE GIRLS GO THERE TO HAVE A BREAK FROM SCHOOL USUALLY AND HAVE A YEAR OFF. LOTS OF THESE GIRLS ARE DOING THEIR MASTERS AT HOME.(INCLUDING MYSELF). MY BEST FRIEND THERE WAS FROM FRANCE AND DECIDED TO HAVE A BREAK FROM HER PHD COURSE AND HAVE AN AU PAIR EXPERIENCE. MANY OF THEM COME FROM UPPER MIDDLE CLASS FAMILIES AND ARE NOT SO INNOCENT AS PEOPLE PORTRAIT NOR ARE TRYING TO MARRY AN AMERICAN GUY.
"And 98% of them will not be lucky enough land in a family that actually cares about helping them or treating them fairly. Most will probably have an average-mediocre experience of being overworked, underpaid, and not having any time off or social life, and some will truly be mistreated."
I WAS AN AU PAIR MYSELF AND I CAN TELL YOU THAT THIS IS NOT TRUE. MORE THAN 2% OF THE GIRLS WERE TREATED WELL AND WORE NOT OVERWORKED - IN FACT MOST OF THEM WORK LESS THAN 40HOURS A WEEK AND LIKED THEIR FAMILY. AND IF U DONT LIKE YOUR FAMILY YOU CAN TELL YOUR COORDINATOR AND CHANGE EASILY.
Dear Celinef,
ReplyDeleteYou certainly haven't followed Danielle's blog for very long, and if you have, it sounds like you weren't paying attention.
Danielle is very positive and super funny most of the time, but like all of us, facing a new life in a new land, there are days you face stronger cultural clash and days you just have a bad day period.
If you knew Danielle a little better you would know that she can be caught more often defending and praising Brazil than complaining about little annoyances of her new life there.
I also have to say, this "baby sitting" system sounds like a RIP off for the girls who get involved, no matter how much you sugar coat it. There are nannies in the US, so why are this people hiring foreign "young" girls? I will tell you why! Because they are easily subject to abuse and small wages, so the folks who take advantage of it, do it to save money or worse, because they couldn't afford a nanny to begin with, hence the girls who end up in families that over work them for peanuts.
I know Brazilians are very proud, and very few girls would admit to having made a terrible decision going to live overseas and much less admit to being mistreated, overworked and underpaid.
Not to mention many of these girls have a COMPLETELY WRONG idea of the US, you sound just like one of them, but it's not your fault, it's just what Hollywood movies feed you all your lives, so they flock to the US thinking wonders and dreaming with Disneyland fantasies, recipe for failure, failure they will never or rarely ever admit, which is sad, because it won't prevent other girls from falling for the same crappy situation.
Ray
Ray,
ReplyDeleteyou are making a lot of assumptions about me aren't you?
who told you I had a bad experience in the usa??who told you I had a very wrong idea about the usa?
I wasn't underpaid and overworked like you said but if the au pair is feeling that way she can change to another family!
If a family does something bad to the au pair and doesn't submit to the rules of the program , the representatives take the family out of the program for good.
I had a great experience being an au pair and when I have kids hopefully I will have an au pair so she can teach them her culture , language , etc.