All right. Here in our new town of Springfieldee, I occasionally run into a dilemma. You see, there are actually other Americans here. It's my first time living in a Brazilian city that has other foreigners besides me. The first time I ran into Americans in Caipirópolis, I was so excited to encounter some of my fellow citizens after a YEAR AND A HALF without human contact with them in Brazil that it was a no-brainer that I'd try to talk to them. (You may remember that it didn't work out so well.)
However, there aren't enough of them/us here in Springfieldee to where I'm like, psychologically flooded and the foreigners and I become desensitized to running into each other (the way I think some immigrant communities may feel in the US). There are just enough Americans to make talking to them feel so. incredibly. awkward.
Here's the thing: I usually hear them speaking English to each other. They're often in groups of two (a couple) or three (businesspeople, students, etc). So I know they're American, but they don't know I am. So it's really up to me to speak up and be like, "hey, hi, excuse me -- Are you American? I am, too!" And smile a lot.
But I don't! Here's why: I envision the rest of the conversation in my head. It goes something like this:
Me: Hey, hi, excuse me -- Are you (guys) American?
Them: Yes, we are.
Me: Me too!
Them: Cool, I'm so and so.
Them: And I'm so and so.
Me: Hi So and Sos. I'm Danielle.
Them: So are you here on vacation?
Me: No, I live here. I'm an English teacher. My husband is Brazilian. [I don't use husfriend with strangers. I think I'll seem retarded as opposed to charming.]
Them: Oh, wow. Cool.
Me: Are you guys here on vacation / for work / studying abroad? (it's always obvious)
Them: Yup.
Fellow Americans and I all shift and look at each other awkwardly, smiling politely, eager to get back to our walking to work / grocery shopping / stroll around the lake with people we actually know
Me: Ok, well... nice to meet you! Have a good day!
Them: Thanks. You too. Bye!
AND THAT'S IT.
I can't think of anything else that we would logically say to each other. I mean, it's not like I can follow "nice to meet you" with, "damn, that exchange rate is really going to make it a bitch to go home again this year, am I right?" Or "So how about those customer service drones? They've really been getting to me lately" or even "So how did we LIVE without Catupiry? Eh? Eh?"
So then I just pretend to be Brazilian by ignoring them (and no American has even given me a second glance or questioned it! But on second thought, they should be even more suspicious, because many Brazilians get all wacko about hearing English spoken in public and have no shame in approaching you as if you were a celebrity), so we don't talk to each other, and then we go our separate ways, and I feel so inhuman!! Ack! I can't win in my mind.
So I thought I'd write about it here to see what you guys do. Are any of you in the "I only run into Americans once a year so of course I talk to them" camp? Or maybe you're in the "I see at least one fellow native English speaker a day; we just kind of give each other a nod each." Or maybe you're in a city like mine. If so, what do YOU do? The whole thing is just so uncomfortable, any way it plays out!
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I can completely relate to this experience...I have been abroad with a native hubby in a not so touristy city for almost three years and regardless of who the random stranger speaking english is - missionary or exchange student - I inevitably have nothing in common with them.
ReplyDeleteBut if I'm feeling friendly, I still say hi. Why? Because I remember that first time I yelled 'Hi!!' to Mormon missionaries in the street, when I was so overjoyed to hear my native language. When I needed that tiny bit of support. Now I can try to be that support to other foreigners. I usually try to share a tip about the neighborhood or a favorite restaurant and go on my separate way fairly quickly.
Well my situation is kind of the semi-inverse of yours.
ReplyDeleteLet's just say I have no shame when it comes to me approaching people when I hear them speaking Portuguese here in the US. I always talk to them. And I have made so many friends this way! Yes, it can be sad when your friends move (my best Carioca friends just went back to Rio), but at least you'll gain contacts ;)
But, I can see how it would be awkward seeing another American in Brazil, especially after not being used to Americans in Brazil. I completely understand!
Danielle,
ReplyDelete"Can't win in your mind"!!!
You are too funny!
We have had an exactly same experience in the US, when we lived in Dallas we rarely ever saw or heard Brazilians speaking Portuguese. My heart would pump faster with excitment when we actually heard someone speaking Porguese and we would start conversations.
Now that we live in Boston, and there are 300,000 Brazilians living here, we duck! Yes, we panick and hide when we hear or see people speaking Portuguese.
So, I totally understand where you are coming from... :)
Ray
I only heard English speakers once in our little beach town, and I totally assaulted them. Introduced myself and ended up sitting with them to have a beer for about an hour and a half. Turns out they lived just a few miles up the road so we had lots in common.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I had one girl approach me when she heard me speaking English there. She had only been in town a few weeks, and was leaving the next day. That was the awkward one, because we had nothing in common. We spent about ten minutes trying to figure out what to say after the initial introduction.
That's the hard part, finding someone who isn't a tourist, and understands living in Brazil as a foreigner. The visitors just don't have a clue. I guess the trick is to listen in a bit first and figure out if they're worth stopping to talk to.
Here in Zamora, there are very few Americans, so one time when I saw a girl in a grocery store with a package from the US, I really wanted to go up to her, but I decided not to ... because, like you said, it could get awkward!
ReplyDeleteIn Madrid, where we'll be moving there will be a gazillion guiris, so there'd be no point!
Ha ha! This reminded me of something that used to happen to my brother-in-law all the time. He is from New Zealand, but works in a big office in London. Every time another New Zealander joined the company, they would be presented to him. "Jonny, this is Sally. She's from New Zealand too." [person doing the introduction would leave at this point]. They would awkwardly say hello and then wonder what they were supposed to do next!
ReplyDeleteTalk about sheep, Rugby, etc?
As I live in Rio I don't see many other English speakers. Ha! Just kidding, I see millions, but never approach. It just feels weird! And usually when I hear what they're saying, I quickly realise we have very little in common. Great post!
Hahaha, that sample conversation is RIGHT ON! I usually don't get into them because when they hear I live here, I get the "You're soooooo luckyyyyyy!!!" line.
ReplyDeleteBut if I do talk to other Americans, I usually follow up with "is this your first time in Brazil?" and "how are you finding it?" because it's always interesting to hear someone else's impressions, and that usually leads to something else to talk about.
When I travel abraad I don't like to meet Brazilians, don't ask me why. Maybe it is because I want to hear English all the time.
ReplyDeleteBut when I've been to Canada we went to a religious service and people noticed we were foreign - Bible and all the books in Portuguese.... Someone said: Sister So is Brazilian, I will call her. Then we met her and it was so nice. There is a Portuguese group in Toronto, but her husband couldn't speak Portuguese very well so she attended the English one. She was so happy for seeing us that she said: "I am going to drive to your hotel. Pack up your stuff and you'll stay withe me." You had to look her face when we said that our hotel was already paid. The she wanted to drive us to the airport when we left, but our flight was at 6am.
We are still friends and talk to each other once in a while. But I think it worked because we have the same beliefs. We shared not only a nationality, but a whole life style. And stories like this happened many times with me, but witha Brazilian it was the first time.
Haha, I'm so happy to hear that I'm not the only one who gets weirded out by these encounters! But I was thinking last night after I wrote this that I don't do this in EVERY situation. For example, once, Alexandre and I by chance sat next to another Brazilian-Native English Speaker couple on the beach (the English speaker was from England). Because of the scenario, we introduced ourselves and got to talking. Both guys were so nice and really smart and interesting. And because we were lounging on the beach and not in the middle of doing something else, we were able to keep talking and it wasn't weird. So I think location is important!
ReplyDeleteBut if they actually live there, then they will be happy to have found you and vice versa. It will be a sigh of relief and you can maybe if all works hang out together. Who knows maybe they like to have nice long Sunday dinners and you can finally talk to someone who "gets it." Hang on to any you can get. You won't know unless you ask!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand where you're coming from when you refer to "American awkwardness".
ReplyDeleteFor me, I think it depends on my mood. I see/hear Americans on a weekly basis since I live in an area where there are a number of American teachers (the American school is blocks away). I know a few of them and they're nice people, but I don't talk to those that I don't know.
I'm in Sao Paulo, and I rarely meet other Americans or native English speakers from other countries. I know I have only been here about two months, and I'm sure this city has lots of Americans living here, but I have yet to meet them. And I want to! I especially want to commiserate with newcomers who know what I'm going through (sticker shock, confusion getting around the city, bureaucracy). My Brazilian friends who lived abroad told me they also want to meet foreigners but rarely do.
ReplyDeleteYou just have to work on your pick up skills. It is just like picking up someone when you are single but totally based on conversation and no chance of sex. Ok, so maybe it isn't worth it ;)
ReplyDeleteWhen I first arrived I was mad to meet anyone who spoke English, apart from the French, but that was for footballing reasons.
ReplyDeleteKnow what you mean. There is always the urge to speak to a compatriate. Nowadays I don't bother unless I'm feeling lonelyish.
Whenever I encounter another American, I usually launch myself upon them. I can't help it. It has become an uncontrollable reaction. Sometimes it goes the way you described. But I've made some good friends doing it too! What do I have to lose? (I had already lost my dignity the first few months I was here.)
ReplyDeleteThere's only 1 here! And no tourists.
ReplyDeleteBut in an interesting twist, there are a BUNCH of children born in America to undocumented parents, who are American but returned here to live as young children/babies.
We're starting a special English class for them!
I recently started reading this blog, and by recent I mean yesterday. I was in Brasilia with my fiancee for three months this past year. My fiancee who Brazilian, says "Eu sou Brasilerio" in a bad American accent when he wants to pretend to be American. The sad thing is that sometimes Brazilians believe him and they come up to us to talk. When I was in Brazil I was in Brasilia, the most gorgeous place I've ever been ( I'm a New Yorker so seeing all that grass was a true shock ) Though the most entertaining thing is how people react when you speak english, at one time we went to Aguas Claras to visit his cousins. After the greetings we went to the small and lovely park nearby their house for a short walk. On the path there was a teacher with a group of children walking by us, and they over heard me and my Leandro chatting in english about the geese in the water. One of the boys, not even 7 came up to me and asked me "Hey are you American?" It was the cutest thing ever, I said "That I am." He beamed like he'd like I was an oddity. His teacher ushered him away and my fiancee says EU SOU BRASILERIO!
ReplyDeleteAmericans here only talk to each other online (and then meet up later) or at designated tourist destinations where we have the interaction, the split up again with our respective tour guides and not speak again even if we're standing in the same crumbling old roman building. All of my "friends" are American women who moved here due to husbands, same as me. All I met on Expat-blog.com, not actually randomly.
ReplyDelete